I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize