If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
