i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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