listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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