so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
