im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just googled if crying burns calories
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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