Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
