The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
