Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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