she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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