If i come over, it means nothing
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
