Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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