Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize