Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
