I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
