this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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