this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
