i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
