Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
