I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
