I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
