Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
