Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
