sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
