im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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