I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
