he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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