I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
