i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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