Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Fuck appropriateness.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
