OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
