:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
