My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
