Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he thought i was a dude.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
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Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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