i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
