3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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