Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
