I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
