he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
