You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
