Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
