Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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