i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
