Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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