So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
