for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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