what day is it and did you see me today?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
