hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
