Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
