I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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