you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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