i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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