Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
