out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
