did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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