Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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