I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
