I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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