Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
