i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize