I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
