Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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