took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
