mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I enjoy the company of your penis
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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