i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
