That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
