I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
