It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
vagina is talking i cant
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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