I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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