Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
