There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
