the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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