My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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