maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
