I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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