How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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