So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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