maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
