dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
