I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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