What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
