Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
